To my 15 year old self (By Phanuel Ayelum)

Dear Phanuel,

Four years into the future and here I am writing back to you four years in the past! Who ever said time travel wasn’t a real thing? Turns out, writing really seems to bridge the gap between reality and fiction. So I figured writing might as well as bridge the time gap between you and I.

The gap between you and I is characterized by time. The years, months, weeks scaling down to seconds. Ultimately splitting us to two seemingly different people; Who I was then and Who I am now. However, one thing still remains unchanged, and that is the fact that I’m elated to have once been you.

I understand your struggle with self love, how would I not, we’re literally the same person. I remember the sense of self discontentment. The pervasive desire to fine tune the strings of my reality that I may play along with the symphonies of society. The sound of the laughter from peers in a kaleidoscope of colors I did not fit well with. The state of being a misfit even amongst the misfits.

I remember every mistake made, every wrong deed and every foul move. I still remember the mendacious habits, contumacious moments, an ugly past once thought to dictate a mirrored future.

Astonishingly, I’m still proud of you. I’m still happy to have once lived through those moments. I’ll remind you now that life is incredibly heuristic. There is really no life to be found in faking a level of perfection you’ll never attain. To thy self, be true n’est-ce pas?

If I were asked at the time, to orchestrate a few changes to my life in my favor, I think I would. But like I said, time split us in two; Who I was then and Who I am now. And in this moment, I appreciate who you are just enough to preserve it all. Ultimately, I’m proud of the man you become.

Four years from now, you’ll probably be in my current time and space and you’ll understand it all a whole lot better. My existence in the next four years isn’t guaranteed but if space and time still hold a place for me at the age of twenty three, I’ll certainly be writing back to me.

P.S You finally get to play the piano after all the frustration and failure. We sound like Beethoven!

Yours truly
Phanuel Ayelum.


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Published by Phanuel Ayelum

Written Studios is about our belief in the power of written art. We love to write and publish our work which includes short reads, long stories, poems and many other articles. Tag along and get amazed by the talent in our artists here at Written Studios.

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